PERSONAL.

CAHSMUN 2017.

Coming back from my first Model United Nations conference yesterday, I can say that I’ve learned a lot about the effort and hard work that comes with being a leader.

It was a tiring, hectic, yet fulfilling and unforgettable weekend to say the least.  I left Friday afternoon with 7 other students from my school and one of my teachers for this conference.

I’ve never done or been to anything like this before, so honestly, I had no idea what to expect.  With little preparation besides the position papers I had to write, let’s say that I was unprepared.   I could try to give a little bit of background information on what this conference is really about,  but honestly, CAHSMUN is one of those things that you have to experience to really understand… 

But basically, CAHSMUN is a role-play of the United Nations.  You are given a committee and a country and two topics to research about beforehand.  Then, during the actual conference, you have the opportunity to present your research in front of other high school students that represent different countries and have different stances on the topics that were given.

CAHSMUN’s motto says, “Learn today. Lead tomorrow.”  I was truly impressed by all the high school students who run this three day event, their intellect, effort, and dedication is something that I can’t stress enough.  It was hard for me to believe that they were once first-timers like me, in a beginner committee, unsure of what to expect during a formal debate.

During the closing ceremony, the keynote speaker brought up some points that personally spoke to me.  She quoted a man named Ralph Emerson who once said, “To know even one life breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to have succeeded.”

This conference brought me back to remembering that an accomplishment shouldn’t be something made out of a block of wood or paper.  It’s not about my ability to debate or speak.  It’s about having a heart.  It’s the valuable lessons you learn in life about compassion, collaboration, and communication.

I was blessed to have experienced this amazing weekend with some of my friends. (Also, making a really cool new friend 🙂 )  I thoroughly enjoyed making memories of a lifetime with you all — whether it was ordering pizza at 2 am, being super indecisive with all the decisions we make, running out of Denny’s, having photo shoots right outside sketchy buildings, going to parties until 11, and staying up until 4 in the morning… I wouldn’t have wanted my first CAHSMUN experience to be with anybody else.  I’d gladly replay this weekend over and over again in my head as long as I have you all by my side.

All in all, I am so glad I got to take part in this conference.  See you in a year, CAHSMUN.

xox,

Ainah

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WRITINGS.

LOVE & MISADVENTURE. – LANG LEAV.

Long time no post, but despite my busy schedule, I’m always glad to be back to one of my favourite hobbies.  Since I’ve been gone for a while, I was wondering what I would want to write about in celebration of my return.  Hah.. 😛

I’ve been eyeing a book for ages — “Love & Misadventure” by Lang Leav.  And to my surprise, my best friend bought it for me for Valentine’s Day.  ❤

I absolutely loved this book.  As you can tell from my blog, I’m someone who has a deep appreciation for poetry.  Lang Leav has been one of my favourite poets over the last couple of years, and once I found out about her books, I knew I wanted at least one copy.

So here, are a few of my favourites from her first collection of poems.  Enjoy!!

xo,

Ainah

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WRITINGS.

BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER MEET ME.

halfway across the world,

there’s a part of me that exists

in the lives of friends that i have not met

we find joy in spontaneous late night talks,

and odd times we find to chat around the clock,

in secrets shared,

and lessons about love and friendship learned;

these thousands of miles will continue to lie between us,

but you still don’t seem so far apart

for friendship doesn’t count miles,

it is measured by the heart

now i have come to realize,

that friendship is something that time nor distance can take away,

but merely a person in your life — choosing to stay

-A.E.

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WRITINGS.

A FAIRYTALE LOVE STORY.

 

 

she dreamt of a prince in shining armour,

one that would sweep her off her feet,

one that would bring her roses – and kiss her hand every time he’d greet

she dreamt of her prince, crowning her from head to toe in silver and in gold

spoiling her with jewels and all earth’s treasures, promising nothing less than a luxurious life to behold

she dreamt of her royal suitor, conquering beasts and all sorts of creatures just to win her heart,

she wanted him to be brave, charming, and have wit she’d never be able to outsmart

the princess eventually awakened from her slumber, knowing that a perfect man only exists in the realm of fantasy

but little did she know, that her “happily ever after” would pair her up with someone who makes reality better than her dreams

this boy; he wasn’t all that she expected, and little did the princess know that they were meant to be

but soon, she realized that his flaws didn’t distract his gleaming personality

convinced that there was something about him, from the moment that they met,

she knew that she just had to get to know this boy a little better, for her wandering heart to be content

timid. shy, but kindhearted, to say the least; the scattered minded princess had observed,

he was starting to captivate her heart which she intended to keep reserved

a smile forms on her face, remembering the first time they met,

looking back on that summer day, who would’ve known this could happen?

she holds back her laugh, reminiscing every single moment from the start,

how did someone so unexpected manage to steal her heart?

the boy never had to be a prince to give her the love she always wanted,

he never had to promise her riches to prove that his heart was made out of gold

he never had to slay a single fire-breathing dragon, to prove that he could help her conquer all her fears,

and he could simply make her feel like the happiest girl on earth by just holding her near

the princess crawls into her bed, ready to end another day,

and tonight, she’ll dream of her fairytale love life, and how she’ll always want things to stay this way.

 

 

 

 

 

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PERSONAL.

16 THINGS I LEARNED IN 2016.

So, we’ve reached the end of another year.  If I’m going to be real right now, a lot has happened this year.  Good things such as going to Mexico for my first-ever mission trip, creating this blog, and making a variety of new friends.   Good things that I want to take with me and cherish for the rest of my life.  And of course, there have been challenges, disappointments, and trials that I’m ready to leave behind in the past.

I know that it would basically be impossible for me to recall every event in my life that has taken place during 2016.  So here’s a list of 16 things I’ve learned and accomplished over the span of the last 12 months.

IN 2016…

  1. I learned that I’m a work in progress.   The last couple of months especially have revealed to me my need of better time management and lack of focus on priorities.  I’ve been hard on myself, to say the least; and have let these feelings of confusion and agitation bring me down emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically.  I’ve learned that I can turn away from my limitations to a God who has none.  I’ve learned that I have family and friends who believe that I can achieve my goals, my pursuits, and dreams as long as I put my heart and time into it.
  2. I learned to let things be. – I learned that there are things that I can’t change such as the way people act or situations around me.  I learned that life is not going to go my way.  Life writes it story with a pen that I’m not allowed to hold.
  3. I learned that not everyone is going to like you.  – It’s a hard truth that I think everyone has to learn to accept.  But I’ve learned that as long as the right people love you for who you are, what else really matters 🙂
  4. I learned that I can’t be in control of everything. – I have weaknesses, limitations, and I make mistakes. I’m human.  Not being able to have everything under control makes me realize my need for God, for family, and for friends. For advice, for wisdom, for love, and for support.
  5. I learned that quality is more important than quantity. – I feel like I’ve only been able to establish genuine close knit relationships with a few friends this year.  I thought that having millions of friends could be one of the best things to ever happen.  But what does having a million friends mean when half of them are stabbing you in the back? I’m more than grateful for the few, close friends that I have in my life today – people I can truly enjoy life with and accept me for who I am. 🙂
  6. I learned that time is precious. – It goes by so fast.  As a friend recently told me, “Don’t waste a single moment of life.” Live with intention. Leave your legacy.
  7. I learned that life is about two things – loving God and loving people. – Life has a purpose. This is it. True joy and satisfaction comes from living these 2 commandments out.
  8. I learned that gratitude changes everything. – I know that I won’t have everything I want in life.  But being able to go to a place where people have to thrive with significantly less than what I have, opens my eyes to how blessed I really am.
  9. I learned that it’s important to find what you are truly passionate about. – I’ve found that doing the things you love with those you love is something that makes living life worth it.
  10. I learned that God wants the gospel spread and his people led. – One of the most memorable things I took from that Student Council Conference I attended a couple months ago.  It’s a calling I want to fulfill.
  11. I learned that a positive outlook can make you a much happier person. – Dwelling on the negative makes everything about life miserable.  Change starts with you.
  12. I learned that it’s okay to be vulnerable. – People appreciate when you open up about your weaknesses or life experiences.  Stories help us to connect and inspire.  Stories spark emotions and makes sense of things.
  13. I learned that the way you treat other people says a lot about you.  – Don’t think I need to elaborate on this. 🙂 The Golden Rule shouldn’t be overlooked.
  14. I learned that overthinking and worrying doesn’t change anything. – Instead of thinking about how things can go wrong, I’ve learned that I need to focus on how things can go right.  Everything works out for a greater good.
  15. I learned that I don’t need to go through hard times alone. – Family and friends are in my life for a reason. To support, love, and believe in me when I’m incapable of doing those things on my own.
  16. I learned that I still have a lot to learn.  – There’s always more to life than it seems, and I know that I’m still young and have so much growing to do.  This upcoming 2017, I hope I look forward, inward, but most importantly upward to the One who knows what’s in store for my life this year.
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MUSICAL MUSINGS.

TOO SOON – KINA GRANNIS.

 

Lyrics:

Sometimes it’s hard to look you in the eye
The mess I’ve created it stands idly by
And I don’t expect the dishes to do themselves
But that sure would be nice

Cause I am moving circles, falling back
My past has caught up to me, and I’ve lost track
Of what is history and what is a book marked page
I’d always hoped to come back to someday

Don’t speak too soon
I’ll likely shut my ears or shut down
I’m mostly floating
And I’m not ready to come down

Don’t wipe away my tears so quickly
Can you even tell if they’re happy or sad
Maybe I need to let them fall
Clean me up and wash me out
And let me drown for a while

You don’t have to hold my hand through this
You’ve got enough to carry on your own
I think you’ll need both hands for that
I think for now I’d be better off alone

Don’t speak too soon
I’ll likely shut my ears or shut down
I’m mostly floating
And I’m not ready to come down

I will be fine,
I need to grow
No expectations please
Because I don’t know
Where I’m going or where I even stand
I’m just trying to find out exactly who I am

Don’t speak too soon
I’ll likely shut my ears or shut down
I’m mostly floating
And I’m not ready to come down


 

After discovering Kina in 2012, she has definitely been one of my favourite artists and I’ve never turned away from listening to the content she creates since then.  I’ve recommended for all of you to listen to some of her songs in other music related posts I’ve written in the past, but here’s a song that deserves more than just a few sentences to describe the feelings it provokes within me.

As you can see from the title, this song is entitled  “Too Soon.”  I remember that day a couple weeks ago when I was just scrolling through YouTube and I stumbled upon this recent upload from Kina.  I clicked on it instantly and was looking forward to seeing how this song would speak to me.

Kina had me hooked on to this song within the first stanza…

Sometimes it’s hard to look you in the eye
The mess I’ve created it stands idly by
And I don’t expect the dishes to do themselves
But that sure would be nice

Her beautiful voice caught my full attention, my ears hanging on to every word.  When so many other songs out there are merely just a tune I enjoy singing or humming along to, Kina’s words struck home to me in a time where I felt like I could completely relate to the confusion and chaos she seemed to express.

I was in tears by the end of the song and hit the replay button at least three more times.  Honestly, I think I might have the song memorized word for word at this point now.  🙂  One of the main reasons why I haven’t been able to blog as much as I’ve wanted to over the past couple of months is because I’ve just felt the weight and pressure of what it means to be young and realizing that I have so much growing to do.  It has not been easy to take on the responsibilities my parents expect me to handle as the eldest child, to stay focused on my grades, to being on student council, to wanting to spend quality time with my friends, to spending quiet time with God.  Lately, it just seems that I never have enough time for everything I want and need to do.

I’m aware that I’m no superwoman – I will never be able to keep my life under strict control.  But I know that time management and knowing how to handle priorities is crucial to a well lived life, but so many distractions just seem to get in the way.  I admit that I’ve become rather emotional as I’ve begun to ponder on how the way I live my life now will affect what it will look like in the future.

As parents, teachers, and friends come by my side and try to guide me out of this tunnel, I am wholeheartedly grateful for their support yet at times, I feel like being bombarded with constant advice and tactics on how to improve myself tends to make me wallow and drown myself in self-pity even more…

Don’t speak too soon
I’ll likely shut my ears or shut down
I’m mostly floating
And I’m not ready to come down

I’ve realized that sometimes, all I need is just some quiet time alone.  Time to reflect on how I’m going to change my ways, how these changes are going to affect my lifestyle or the people around me, and simply where I plan to go from where I am now.  I definitely feel that the past little while has been a time of just floating around, trying to find stable ground for my anxious and worried soul to safely land.

I will be fine,
I need to grow
No expectations please
Because I don’t know
Where I’m going or where I even stand
I’m just trying to find out exactly who I am

This second last stanza is probably my favourite part of the whole song.  There are days where I feel completely unproductive and incapable with everything I want to accomplish.  But I guess it’s in the moments I feel most helpless and vulnerable that I realize that I can turn away from my limitations to a God who has none.  I realize that it’s okay to feel confused about who I am and what I want to do with my life.  I’m only 15, still young and naive.  I know that I’m a work in progress.  If I was completely able to handle everything on my own, I’ve realized that I wouldn’t need God, my family, and my friends.  The people that I hold closest to my heart.

If not for times of unrest and uneasiness, maybe I’d lose the inspiration to write.  The motivation to inspire.  The drive to endure trials like this to turn into a triumph to show the people around me that something good can come out of hardship.

So, again, I apologize for my inactivity over the past few months.  A few of you have already asked me to update my blog, so here it is. 🙂 As I still have a few days of Christmas Break left in my hands, I promise to do my best to make up for the slim amount of posts.  I hope you all understand the reason behind my absence.  I know I’ll get to where I need to be, someday. 🙂

Love always,

Ainah ❤

 

 

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