times like this.

 

written at a time I believed i wasn’t enough — but life keeps going on.  i look back and smile, looking back at the pain i went through at this time. i’m so glad i made it through.

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i don’t think I can do this

my heart is heavy and my hands are tired from lifting the weight of prevailing sadness of this time

how do i escape the trap of my own conscience repeatedly reminding me that i’ll never be enough?

how do i calm the calamity within my mind that has swept away every achievement i’ve earned; replacing it with the scattered debris of all my past mistakes and failures?

these are the questions i ask myself when my world gives way and when i can’t seem to find peace with shortcomings that have scarred my confidence and esteem in such times like this.

but my heart clings on to the mantra it has always known…

surely there is a light.  surely there is hope. 

letter to my best friend.

dear best friend ❤

before i met you; i knew you. you are the person that i would experience all my best memories with. you would be the person i’d share all my secrets and fears with; and i’d have the privilege of knowing yours.  you would be my go-to and my advisor. i would be the person who would make you laugh with all my crazy ideas and theories about life.  i would be the one who’d do everything in my power to set you up with the boy you really, *really* liked for years. i would pray for you and with you; never allowing you to carry your burdens alone. best friend, i tried looking for you for years, in so many different places, in so many different people. all those friendships meant something to me, but they seemed to have all been pointing me to something greater. to you. best friend, i was so caught up in investing my time and energy into other people that i didn’t realize that it was you i needed, this whole time. i’m so glad i found you because i need you — your beautiful soul. i hope you need me too.

xo,

your best friend ❤

LOVE & MISADVENTURE. – LANG LEAV.

Long time no post, but despite my busy schedule, I’m always glad to be back to one of my favourite hobbies.  Since I’ve been gone for a while, I was wondering what I would want to write about in celebration of my return.  Hah.. 😛

I’ve been eyeing a book for ages — “Love & Misadventure” by Lang Leav.  And to my surprise, my best friend bought it for me for Valentine’s Day.  ❤

I absolutely loved this book.  As you can tell from my blog, I’m someone who has a deep appreciation for poetry.  Lang Leav has been one of my favourite poets over the last couple of years, and once I found out about her books, I knew I wanted at least one copy.

So here, are a few of my favourites from her first collection of poems.  Enjoy!!

xo,

Ainah

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BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER MEET ME.

halfway across the world,

there’s a part of me that exists

in the lives of friends that i have not met

we find joy in spontaneous late night talks,

and odd times we find to chat around the clock,

in secrets shared,

and lessons about love and friendship learned;

these thousands of miles will continue to lie between us,

but you still don’t seem so far apart

for friendship doesn’t count miles,

it is measured by the heart

now i have come to realize,

that friendship is something that time nor distance can take away,

but merely a person in your life — choosing to stay

-A.E.

A FAIRYTALE LOVE STORY.

 

 

she dreamt of a prince in shining armour,

one that would sweep her off her feet,

one that would bring her roses – and kiss her hand every time he’d greet

she dreamt of her prince, crowning her from head to toe in silver and in gold

spoiling her with jewels and all earth’s treasures, promising nothing less than a luxurious life to behold

she dreamt of her royal suitor, conquering beasts and all sorts of creatures just to win her heart,

she wanted him to be brave, charming, and have wit she’d never be able to outsmart

—

the princess eventually awakened from her slumber, knowing that a perfect man only exists in the realm of fantasy

but little did she know, that her “happily ever after” would pair her up with someone who makes reality better than her dreams

this boy; he wasn’t all that she expected, and little did the princess know that they were meant to be

but soon, she realized that his flaws didn’t distract his gleaming personality

convinced that there was something about him, from the moment that they met,

she knew that she just had to get to know this boy a little better, for her wandering heart to be content

timid. shy, but kindhearted, to say the least; the scattered minded princess had observed,

he was starting to captivate her heart which she intended to keep reserved

a smile forms on her face, remembering the first time they met,

looking back on that summer day, who would’ve known this could happen?

she holds back her laugh, reminiscing every single moment from the start,

how did someone so unexpected manage to steal her heart?

the boy never had to be a prince to give her the love she always wanted,

he never had to promise her riches to prove that his heart was made out of gold

he never had to slay a single fire-breathing dragon, to prove that he could help her conquer all her fears,

and he could simply make her feel like the happiest girl on earth by just holding her near

the princess crawls into her bed, ready to end another day,

and tonight, she’ll dream of her fairytale love life, and how she’ll always want things to stay this way.

 

 

 

 

 

CYCLE OF EMOTIONS. – JANIELLE DOMINGO

It’s been over a month since I’ve last posted anything, and I blame the business of life for getting in the way.  I don’t have words to describe the whirlwind of events and emotions that I’ve experienced during my absence on this blog.  But to be honest, I’m not ready to share that with all of you yet.  To say the least, I’ve entered a very happy chapter in my life.  It’s new, exciting, and thrilling but at the same time, unpredictable and maybe a little bit risky.  For all I know, it’s a beautiful chaos that I one day hope to share when the timing feels right.

But I didn’t create this post to talk about my feelings or thoughts.  Today, I wanted to share this beautiful poem created by one of the people I hold closest to my heart.

Janielle, I’m so proud of who you are becoming.  It’s been a blessing for me to see you grow and mature into the girl God has created you to be these past couple of years.  It’s a privilege for me to be able to share your work which only shows the joy and strength you live with despite whatever life throws at you.  I can’t use words to tell you what it means to have someone like you in my life.    I hope you enjoy seeing your own words and feelings on my blog. 🙂

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CYCLE OF EMOTIONS

I know that I am slowly breaking on the inside,
but I will not let my emotions show.
“When will I see you again, do you even care?”
-That I do not know.
Suddenly, real tears are escaping, like a bird out of her cage.
Quickly, I make sure not a single soul sees me crying like an infant.
Clear and colorful memories turn into a black and white nothing,
the longing to see father once again is now crushing.
Suddenly, I feel the fire inside dying a little, and the flames decreasing.
Is this good or bad? -My emotions are deceiving.
Assuming I understand “hope,”
I say a silent prayer, thinking that I can cope.
Once again I wear the same superficial smile,
but I will soon get weary from this lifestyle.
Today will be the last day of hope, enough of bearing the days like this.
Forgetting everything just might give me more golden days of bliss.
No, please don’t say I’m giving up, but simply moving on, almost forgetting.
I don’t think that I will be regretting.
Finally, with self-assurance, I wipe away the last teardrop.
My delicate lips then slowly whisper for the last time, “Come back.”

SHAKESPEARE’S ADVICE.

it breaks my heart to realize that
you and me,
we’ve only talked
once or twice

they say i’m young and naive,
and that you shouldn’t mean anything to me

but why do shivers go down my spine
whenever you are my subject of rhyme

in my head, i relay a thousand instances
that now i just recall as missed chances

i’m stuck between holding on and letting go
of the you i so desperately wanted to get to know

i don’t want to give up on the possibility of you and me
but how long will i have to wait for you to notice me?

i’m craving the euphoria that comes with finding someone special in my youth
but as shakespeare once said, “the course of true love never did run smooth.”